This Week... Goats, Kinky Sex Festivals And More

Commentary

"What is the world coming to?" – Ozzy Osbourne

"The path towards a free society has not been simple." – Putin

“A sergeant major spends his time training his men to be killers. He doesn’t polish his own boots. He probably does polish his own boots, but, you know, that doesn’t mean I have to do my own filing.” – David Brent

Here we have it ladies and gentlemen, the best feature story of the year.

This week The Guardian reported on a sport which involves throwing dead animals at men riding on living animals. This genius sport originates from Kazakhstan and sees fully grown men ride horses whilst playing catch with a headless goat. This is all soundtracked by techno music… The sport is called kokpar and is said to have originated in the 13th century. Olympic event? Perhaps not. Suitable for vegetarians? Ehm no. Can you play it in London on your lunch break? Anything is possible…

Elsewhere, on this side of the water, residents of Tunbridge Wells are furious. I mean to be honest i'd be pretty upset if I had to live in Tunbridge Wells in the first place but that ain't the reason why. No folks, the reason is because a great big kinky sex festival is about to take place in a secret forest in Kent. According to MAJOR NEWS SOURCE Kent Live hundreds of dodgy characters will appear as if from nowhere to pump in a field as part of a music festival which by the way A Guy Called Gerald is playing at. Really, us here at Ransom Note think oit sounds pretty great, in fact you may even see us there in our whips and chains, who knows? Is Tunbridge Wells the new Berghain? Only time will tell….

David Beckham had perhaps one of his most prosperous weeks on the planet. Ever since Alex Ferguson threw that boot at him he has dreamed of a life far away from football. A life in which he can build Lego in peace… for six days at a time.

Oh, last but not least we got a new office, it's well good, there's windows and fresh air and a staircase and daylight and rooms and a microwave and stuff.