THIS WEEK... FATBERGS, TALKING SEX KLOCKS, AND TRAVEL ADVICE.

“If you are sitting at a bar and ordering 28 beers and then suddenly some of your colleagues are leaving, it’s ok but they have to pay, they have to pay.”

THIS WEEK... FATBERGS, TALKING SEX KLOCKS, AND TRAVEL ADVICE.

“If you are sitting at a bar and ordering 28 beers and then suddenly some of your colleagues are leaving, it’s ok but they have to pay, they have to pay.”

"But actually, if I did turn up on Hampstead Heath at midnight, the last thing you'd be expecting if you're hiding in a bush, is a bush. I'm joking - there's nothing down there." - Amanda Holden

"My wife has no chance of winning Strictly so she should just quit' - Eamonn Holmes

And FTW...

"They have to pay, they have to pay, not in an impossible way. I’m not in a revenge mood. I’m not hating the British. The Europeans have to be grateful for so many things Britain has brought to Europe before war, during war, after war. But now they have to pay.” - Jean-Claude Junker

In a world were bad news is everywhere, THIS WEEK is here to drop some positivity bombs on you from a great height. But it’s extra hard this week because today… is…. FRIDAY 13th

via GIPHY

Just joking. I won’t allow this old world superstition to thwart my attempt at spinning bad news into good news. After all, we’ve all had a tough week, the weekend is here and it’s time to party until you begin work again at 9am on Monday 16th October. But before you switch off, what has been happening in this CO2-choked planet we call Earth?

We’re all gob smacked at this first story.

"It was clear that we needed to get the fish out or this patient was not going to survive the short journey to Royal Bournemouth Hospital," said the Paramedic.

Charlie acting NOW... one turtle at a time. 

Sorry, what?

...

"It's more of a case of trying to find somewhere else to swim or seeing if there's another path I can take with this. It's quite a big drawback at the moment."

Just get in the sea.

Hungry now. 

Is this why mums go to Iceland?

Fatburgs. "WTF?" I hear you say. Well, London has one. A massive Fatberg at that. It's not new news though, so I guess that makes it olds? Either way the BBC has their very own Fatberg appreciation section.

 

Here at the new R$N office one of our fucking excellent staff made the comparison between two legendary figures;

If this isn’t shocking enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

… we’ve since found out that “Art Attack had a ‘secret sex message’ written on the talking head that people have only just spotted – and they’re outraged”

Look at these pictures to prove it.

WOW!

FUCK!

THE EARTH MUST BE FLAT. FUUUUCK!

I'm more concerned that this guy actually thinks the rubbery polymer Talking Head mould was carved.

Right, moving swiftly on. Here are some bits to think carefully about. 

If you’re heading to India soon, BEWARE.  

If you’re heading to Rhodes soon, BEWARE.

“Bishop Kyrillos of Rhodes has barred all foreign weddings from the monastery of St Paul after bride Carly Lunn posted a snap of her apparently performing a sex act on new husband Matthew on sacred ground.”

"We are Greek and we cherish our traditions and the sanctity of our religious sites. We cannot allow this disgusting behaviour to prevail.” said the Bishop.

Carly, 34, had described the shot as "a brilliant wedding photo" that reflected the couple's cheeky sense of humour - but it could have ruined hundreds more brides' big days.”

Proper fucking cheeky.

Speaking of noshing off a sausage roll, have you seen this?

If you're heading to Greggs soon, BEWARE. A Greggs obsessed student from Birmingham asks his local Greggs to help him host an old-school in-store party. Oh no, wait. That's actually okay.

Seeing as we're in Birmingham, local footballing export, Daniel Sturridge, has started his own record label. The Liverpool striker has named it Dudley Road Records and will "give people an opportunity from not just Birmingham but all over the world, we would love to help people build long-lasting careers. 

Liverpool fans are apparently delighted to hear he's losing interest in football and may soon quit the game altogehter.

God, I fucking love soccer.

But I love youtube more. And this is why.

 

Right, that's enough of this Coprophe. Lets ‘av a parteh! Unmarried men, please head to the discogs page here

 

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