This Week... A Tale Of Two Tweeds

Commentary

"I will move to Jupiter" – Cher

"Dicks out for harambe." – Internet

"Shall I grab your hair? What is your reaction, when I grab your hair?" – Van Gaal

The Rumble In The Jungle. The Capulets and Montagues. Brian May vs Common Decency. There have been many pivotal clashes in our shared history and now, we can add the Stoke by-election to that ever-growing list. This battle was not faught with fists or catchy Baz Luhrmann penned melodies however but by two titans of tartan who both forfeited any shred of personality a long, long time ago; Paul Nuttall and Gareth Snell.

Thankfully, Nuttall was sent back to whichever 'Alcoholic Harry Hill' lookalike competition he wandered away from. For those who don't know Stoke-on-Trent has been coined the 'Brexit capital' of the UK with over 65% of voters opting out, so this was perfect territory for Nuttall. It should have been an open net, it literally could not have been easier for him. I mean, he had Farage on his side and when has Farage ever lost apart from those eight times he's tried to run as an MP? Never, probably. He had all the UKIP big shots on his side. Your pervert Uncle. A wet cardboard box with 'I'm not racist but…' written on the side of it in ketchup. Saturday night pavement vomit. Everybody. Nuttall's chances of winning should have been equal to Danny Dyer beating one of the kids from Stranger Things in a fight or Kerry Katona being on the cover of 'Take A Break' every week until time ceases to exist. But no, he lost. Better luck next time I suppose…

And now for the news in brief…